I have a book review I need to write, but today I was struck with a need to write about something different. I feel a desire to explain my obsession with books, and why it is strange I started a blog when I am an introvert in my personal life.
I work with people all day. I love people and I help people with conflict resolution, growth opportunities, I listen to them vent, and deal with the messier parts of life. This is my job, and I love it. I’m suited for it, but there are moments in the day when my ears are ringing and my head is pounding from how much I’ve had to listen and talk in a day – generally more listening than talking. People have a tendency when they are animated to get louder and if its afternoon and the headache has started I try not to wince because I don’t want them to misunderstand. I want to hear what they have to say but they are physically causing me pain. In fact, I just shut my door to my office for an hour to try to get some blessed quiet and paperwork completed. I rarely shut my door.
So, why am I writing this. I have been increasingly becoming introverted in my personal life over the years. The most joyous thing I can do is go home and take a half hour driving where I talk to no one. So, why do I choose to listen to an audio book as I go home? I have a headache , right? I listen because I get to escape into another world – another world that doesn’t require a thing from me. My shoulders and neck start to relax, sinking down from my ears where they steadily climbed up to during the day. The book is giving me relief – especially if it’s fiction because fiction is about people who don’t exist at all. I am relieved of the duty and desire to help the characters. This doesn’t mean I’m not attached to them, in fact I get very emotionally attached to characters in books. I think it is because I can. I don’t have to have boundaries with them, and I don’t have to worry about how my emotional reaction will affect them. It’s a beautiful thing.
If I use books to be able to escape why on earth did I create a blog? I’ve been thinking about that the last few days, and several weeks before I actually committed to starting the page. I tend to be quite deliberate in my actions, I think about what I’m going to do a lot before I do it. My husband may disagree, but that is because with him I have a true loving partner who lets me react as crazy I need to. I try to temper the crazy but there are times he gets the brunt of it and he also sweetly lets me take him for granted from time to time. – He’s a very kind man, but back to my point. Why would I create a blog when I find myself consistently continuing to quiet my personal life. Isn’t that contrary to everything I’ve done so far. I talk very little on the phone at home, and friends and family joke about how I can’ t be relied upon to answer it. It took me much pushing from friends and family to get a Facebook account and apart from liking other people’s posts I don’t participate much. I had always thought it best to have as little about your life searchable on the web. I’m not anti-establishment. I’m just very introverted in my personal time.
I think the blog came from wanting to spread the love of what I enjoy so much about books. I want people to be able to find that perfect escapable book, find that friend that doesn’t have to communicate back. I’ve thrown a book across the room when I was angry at its contents but it’s never jumped up and fought back. I know some won’t relate to this, but I think there are also some out there who will. It also doesn’t mean I don’t love my friends who are real and communicate, but I feel there is a special kind of relief and kinship in books. Let me know if this hits a chord for you or any thoughts in general. I’m curious.