I like M.I.A. She’s a badass and writes music I like but she is not what this post is about. I’ve been missing…I haven’t been commenting and I haven’t been writing. It is because my heart was broken and I couldn’t articulate it. My father died.
I still can’t really articulate it. He and my mother are/were teachers. They introduced me to a love of books and learning. My father was an economics professor. A professor of money so to say, but a professor that believed the study of money could make the world better and more socially accountable in a realistic way. Maybe he was an idealist, but if he was he made idealism feel and taste like realism.
I was lucky. I had a father who loved me, but he didn’t only love me, he respected me and my decisions. We did not have to discuss everything. My father valued silence and the ability to listen. For a man whose profession was talking he was quite quiet…maybe because he was surrounded by women in his personal life and raised strong women. He did not tell us how to think. In fact one of my greatest frustrations was he wouldn’t tell me what he believed I should do. He always gave me options and made me make my own decisions. I think it was partially because he knew I would follow him and that wasn’t what he wanted. He raised me, my sister, and my niece with my mother to be strong. We didn’t always do as he hoped but he knew we would survive…and we do…With heavy hearts.
I’ve inherited his ability to be quiet and I have reveled in it for a month. He spoke when necessary and always supported and appreciated people. I am returning slowly and apologize for not being present. He would not want any of us to back away from our passions, responsibilities, or work. He was big on accountability and responsibility, and he believed anything you dedicated yourself to, or a were passionate about, became a responsibility. If you love something you continue it.