I like M.I.A. She’s a badass and writes music I like but she is not what this post is about. I’ve been missing…I haven’t been commenting and I haven’t been writing. It is because my heart was broken and I couldn’t articulate it. My father died.
I still can’t really articulate it. He and my mother are/were teachers. They introduced me to a love of books and learning. My father was an economics professor. A professor of money so to say, but a professor that believed the study of money could make the world better and more socially accountable in a realistic way. Maybe he was an idealist, but if he was he made idealism feel and taste like realism.
I was lucky. I had a father who loved me, but he didn’t only love me, he respected me and my decisions. We did not have to discuss everything. My father valued silence and the ability to listen. For a man whose profession was talking he was quite quiet…maybe because he was surrounded by women in his personal life and raised strong women. He did not tell us how to think. In fact one of my greatest frustrations was he wouldn’t tell me what he believed I should do. He always gave me options and made me make my own decisions. I think it was partially because he knew I would follow him and that wasn’t what he wanted. He raised me, my sister, and my niece with my mother to be strong. We didn’t always do as he hoped but he knew we would survive…and we do…With heavy hearts.
I’ve inherited his ability to be quiet and I have reveled in it for a month. He spoke when necessary and always supported and appreciated people. I am returning slowly and apologize for not being present. He would not want any of us to back away from our passions, responsibilities, or work. He was big on accountability and responsibility, and he believed anything you dedicated yourself to, or a were passionate about, became a responsibility. If you love something you continue it.
May 12th, 2015 at 9:35 pm
Sorry about your loss, but you painted a wonderful portrait of your father. He sounds like someone I would have enjoyed meeting. Having lost both my mother and father I know the time comes when you cherish all the good memories.
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May 12th, 2015 at 9:36 pm
Thank you. He was a good person. As you say memories are cherished.
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May 13th, 2015 at 6:08 am
Sending you a bunch of virtual hugs. Hope you can feel them through the screen. 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕
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May 13th, 2015 at 9:43 am
Thank you. They are greatly appreciated. They are wonderful.
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May 13th, 2015 at 9:06 am
So sorry to hear about your loss. A lovely tribute to your father. When I lost my own father many years ago, I remembered the old quote that no-one is ever truly gone until they are forgotten, and so in some way I feel my father is still with me. Your memories will lose their edge of sorrow in time and bring you comfort. Best wishes.
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May 13th, 2015 at 9:45 am
Thank you. I know the loss will ebb or the sharp edges of it will wear off but it’s always nice to hear from someone whose been through it.
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May 13th, 2015 at 10:24 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss. My condolences, and my thoughts are with you and your family. Sending hugs your way and take your time to ease back into your life again. Your father sounds like he was a very wise man.
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May 14th, 2015 at 10:57 am
You are very kind. Thank you and I will
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May 26th, 2015 at 9:48 pm
It sounds like you had a great father and you have good memories. I’m sorry for your loss.
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June 3rd, 2015 at 3:48 am
I am so sorry about your loss. I’ve missed your posts but I completely understand. Grief is so hard.
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June 3rd, 2015 at 7:03 am
I’m starting to get back. It’s been a bit sporadic. Sorry. Thank you for understanding.
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June 6th, 2015 at 8:51 pm
This is the second time I’ve read this post, Steph. I grieve with you for your loss, but I also revel in the relationship you had with your dad – and what he was like. What an eternal gift… having the father you had, being on the receiving end of his wishes for you to be strong, knowing that even if his ideals as an economist weren’t always realistic – they were his ideals – and good ones.
Sending you warm thoughts,
Jo
recniky.com
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June 6th, 2015 at 8:57 pm
Thank you. He was a great man and I was lucky
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June 24th, 2015 at 2:10 am
I so sorry for you loss dear. You are lucky to have spent so much time with him. I spent only 16 years with my father and I know only too well how incomplete I feel without him.
I hope your sorrow will change into comforting memories soon…
Take care.
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